http://www.saltinesandicecream.com

It just makes more sense, because I have more control over things with my own domain, and I had money sitting in my Dreamhost account…:)

I hope you keep reading!

~Ms. Crackers

1. are wanted as guests in this household, meaning that their presence is a positive thing.
2. are capable of behaving as fully-functioning adults.
3. are respectful of the fact that this is not their personal space and that they are guests in this household.

Barring any emergency visits that are authorized by yours truly, guests who are not willing or able to abide by the aforementioned rules shall be directed to alternative accomodations, which may include but are not limited to the following: someone else’s house, a hotel room, anywhere but here, back from whence they came.

Fuck. Every damn time, it’s the same thing.  Someday, someone’s gotta learn.

I have yet to accomplish this, but one of my 101 Thing goals is to streamline my wardrobe accordingly.  Yes, it can be a bit boring to wear the same things over and over again, but I like to think that you gain time, as well as a signature look that is really great for building your personal “brand” as a professional.  If you put a lot of effort in at the front end, you can always look polished and pulled-together in the least amount of time required.

So, here you have a few key pieces: a pair of black pants, a black skirt, and a black dress as “bottoms”.  A crisp white skirt, a signature-colour sweater, a black cardigan, a funky t-shirt, a classic trench and a printed shell as “tops”.  The rest of the wardobe, you can see, is made up of smaller accessories that can easily be traded out as fashions change.  I can easily think of about 30 different combinations in which you could wear this wardobe, but here are just a few:

Outfit #1 – Work

This look is pretty basic and takes advantage of a few splashes of your “signature colour” – I have personally chosen turquoise for this exercise as I think it is a pretty universally flattering colour.

So, with this one we have the dress with the colour sweater over top, the bag and heels, the funky but business-appropriate earrings and the colour scarf.  It’s basic, light and comfortable…the type of outfit I consider to be critical on a Monday.

Personally, I would pair this with a loose hairstyle and neutral makeup – very Jennifer Aniston.

———-

Outfit #2 – Work

This one takes advantage of the signature colour, as above, but with a bit more of a subtle touch.  I think this outfit is more polished – the type of thing you would wear to a business lunch.

The gold touches on the bag, shoes, and jewellery ties the outfit all together – it’s a great tip to remember, because keeping your metallics consistent can really pull together the look.

———-

Outfit #3 – Work/Play

I really love this outfit, because it’s simply and works well in many situations.  The basic trench and black dress, combined with the bag and black shoes and the gold belt.  Simple, elegant, and chic.  I think this outfit is very “Charlize Theron”.

———-

Outfit #4 – Play

I love this one.  It’s very casual and funky, but still looks pulled-together and a lot less schleppy schlumpy than the usual thing I’d pull on to run to the store.  This outfit pairs the trench, bag and pants with the funky t-shirt, ballet flats and sunglasses.  You could wear this for a night on the town, a day out shopping, or even a run out to the grocery store on a Saturday.

It’s comfortable, casual, and still looks good.

———-

Outfit #5 – Play

An outfit that uses the signature colour, but still seems casual enough that you could wear on the weekend.

I like to think of this outfit as a great travel-friendly look.  It is layered and comfortable – the type of outfit you would want on a flight or car trip.

It combines the signature colour (sweater, scarf and earrings), the basic pants, bag, and trench, and the neutral sunglasses and ballet flats.

———-

Outfit #6 – Play

I think that this outfit is so hot.  It is really simple (the basic skirt, shoes, and bag) but is very unique and ladylike (the printed shell and the sunglasses).  The look is demure and sexy at the same time, because it utilizes the age-old trick of showing a limited amount of skin (this outfit highlights arms and legs and minimizes cleavage), and looks opulent thanks to the different textures and the focus on gold accents.

———-

Outfit #7 – Work/Play

Finally, we have a very classic outfit – the crisp white shirt and black pants combined with touches of gold.  I like to think that this outfit is perfect for a day at the office, because it is basic but still looks personalized.

The great thing about keeping your wardrobe basic is that you can simply swap out your accessories and signature colour when the style changes – its much more afforable than changing your whole wardrobe.

Not a lot of people like to talk about why they are fat.  Some people make excuses, some people blame others, some people just ignore it and pretend like it’s not an issue.  I personally choose to be matter-of-fact about it.  I am not grossly, morbidly obese – I am can run and walk up stairs without getting out of breath, I can move freely and buy clothing from a regular store, but I am definitely, unquestionably fat.  I am not the size I should be.  It’s as simple as that.

I remember when I started getting fat.  It was right around puberty, actually.  In grade 3, I was happy and healthy and I had just moved to my new school.  I made a lot of friends.  Chris O. said I was the prettiest girl he had ever seen.  I won 3rd prize in the public speaking competition for a speech about my cat, one I had done earlier that year at my old school.  There was one girl I didn’t like, but other than that, it was all good (turns out in about 7 years when she came back to our school, I didn’t like her then, either).

Anyway, so I was in 3rd grade and my teacher was speaking to my parents about putting me in a split 4/5 class for the next year.  I guess I was advanced or something and she thought it would challenge me.  All of my friends were going into the regular class, but I have always been one for novelty and I said “why not!”.  Well, except for the time that I thought my parents were offering me a “grass bed” and I turned it down, only to find out they meant a beautiful, shiny gold bed that went to my sister.  Bastards.

So I went into this grade 4/5 class, and my teacher was a jerk.  A big, big jerk who was very mean to me.  I’m not even sure why, maybe his method of teaching didn’t jive with my intellectual process.  He made people RUN every day, like 1km or so, and there was a sign on the door that said ‘running for success’.  Running was more important than work, it seemed, at times.  My grades (normally in the top 5% of a class) dropped to the point that I nearly failed Grade 4.  He hated me.  I had no friends.  All my friends were in the other class with a teacher they loved.  I used to go to that class whenever I could, just to get away from my horrible teacher.  I got fatter and fatter – a combination of being depressed and going through puberty.  I never did the running, out of spite for the teacher.  I stopped doing my work, out of spite for the teacher.

I remember being in tears at parent teacher meetings.  I remember my dad doing my homework so I wouldn’t fail.  I remember, at the age of 9 or 10, not even caring about anything.  I remember being depressed before I was even a teenager.  I had a crush on a guy that my friend was “dating”.  That’s also pretty hard when you’re 9 or 10.  I remember that friend getting her period first, out of everyone I know.  But, anyway, these are all asides.

So, I was no longer the pretty girl from Grade 3.  I was sullen and sad and I was getting fatter.  I wasn’t ever really told what happens with your body at puberty – I actually remember thinking I had somehow gotten pregnant.  I continued to grow and gain weight up until I was about 13, when I got my first summer job.

I ended up working night shift at a bakery with a crazy old Dutch man with posters of half-naked women on the wall.  I listened to ABBA and Neil Diamond every. single. night.  I remember sitting down at 7am, at the end of my 8-hour-straight shift, with a 2L bottle of diet coke and a loaf of raisin bread.  I would eat that, maybe some marzipan fruit, and wait for my dad to pick me up.  I went home, slept, and went back to work.  That was my summer.  I maybe lost about 20 pounds.

Nothing really changed until I was in Grade 10,  I lost and gained and lost and gained without much thought.  That summer, I remember stepping on the scale and being just over 200 pounds.  I remember crying and crying.  200 pounds is heavy, but I am 5’11″ and I do carry weight fairly well.  200 pounds looks different on a 5’5″ person. I starved myself, I binge ate, and I took cup after cup of Epsom salts diluted in water, as they are an exceptionally effective laxative.  I lost another 30 pounds or so.  I started drinking with friends in Grade 10, getting into pot, the usual high school stuff.

Grade 11 was fairly uneventful.  Looking back, I was obviously still a depressed person – I wore my hair long and straggly, I drank a fair amount, I wore bulky and unattractive clothing.  Halfway through the year, a new kid came to school and my best friend and I were on that like white on rice. This guy and I started dating, and I remember not eating in front of him for weeks.  The girl he had chosen ME over was small – like 5’2″, delicate looking.  He was certainly not delicate and I was smaller than him, but I felt awkward and bulky and large.  I was uncomfortable.  I fell for him hard, and I didn’t know how to handle that.  He broke it off with me like a coward and a jerk.

I spent the next year at school getting progressively more depressed.  I got promiscuous.  I got into heavier drinking and drug use.  I started smoking.  I was miserable.  I spoke a lot with my old youth counselor and her husband, our music teacher.  They were wonderful people and probably stopped me from killing myself, to be frank.  As a side note, I think I want to invite them (and TurtleTurtle’s parents) to my wedding.  They meant a lot to me and brought me to where I am today – alive and in one piece.  I know it.

Moving on, this depression lasted into university.  I didn’t eat a lot, but I kept on drinking and occasionally smoking.  My weight pretty much stayed the same – fat, but not obese.  I dabbled in pin-up modeling.  I got some tattoos and a lot of piercings.  I dyed my hair crazy colours. I would run into that guy who broke my heart and it would send me into a tailspin.  I was finally coming to terms with my body and somewhere between the last year of high school and my first year of university, I began wearing clothing that was much more flattering for my figure.  I started going to the gym for an hour, an hour and a half at a time, 5 days a week.

I met Mr. Crackers at the end of that first year.  I had a great job with fresh fruit perks daily.  I was on my feet 8-10 hours a day.  It was the best I ever felt, health wise.  I lived with 5 girls who made my life a living hell.  Mr. Crackers moved away to school, we spoke on the phone for hours at a time.  I worked, went to school, and basically slept and went on the computer.  I can’t say exactly what I weighed, but I felt good and flexible and light.

Mr. Crackers moved back, we went to Ireland, and after that trip is when I started to notice that I was getting fat again.  I made a lot of excuses for myself, and next thing I knew, I was the heaviest I’ve ever been.  That was a sad realization at the beginning of summer this year.  I dieted HARDCORE for a month and a half.  I lost about 40 pounds or so.  Seriously.  I lost my job shortly after, and I stopped caring again.  I stopped taking care of myself.  I don’t know how much of that weight I’ve gained back, but I feel gross and out of shape.

That’s where I am today.  Notice, people, that I barely mentioned food at all – food, I believe, is a side-effect of fatness, not the underlying issue.  I have never eaten excessively – I binge eat, I eat rich, fatty foods, but never have I had a consistently unhealthy diet.

I’m trying hard to be in a new place now – I realize that I have an ongoing (and I believe hereditary) battle with depression (possible even mania) and I am adamant that I will do whatever possible to fight it without medicine.  It’s going to be a long battle, simply because it is not as simple as changing eating habits (and I know quite a bit about food and nutrition, so that’s not an excuse).  In fact, I am not entirely sure of the root for this problem – sometimes I think it’s boredom, sometimes I think I eat to soothe.  Having a background in psychology does cause you to overthink a lot of things, but it’s also a blessing in the sense that you will look at everything to find the best possible answer.

At least now my house is clean!

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ASFHRYBSKFHT.  I frigging hate this machine right now.

But I WIN.  I. Win.  I am posting, so you can stop acting like a turd now.
Thanks.

Did some holiday shopping today.  Here’s the list, as it stands:

Mr. Crackers – bought

Sister Crackers – bought

Father Crackers and Lady Chips – planned (waiting until December 1st)

Mother Crackers – planned (will have it done by the end of the week)

Bows/Buttons – half planned (doing a gift exchange, gotta see who gets who)

Dad Crackers – bought

Mom Crackers – no clue

Stir Fry – bought

Cousin #1 – bought

Cousin #2 – no clue

Cousin #3 – no clue

Gramma – half bought

Grandpa – planned

Aunt – no clue

Nan Crackers – planned

Greenpeace – no clue

Big Boss – bought

My Boss – planned

Secret Santa – no idea

I seriously think that is it.  Although I am a bit behind on things, we’re doing not too shabby.  Hopefully, it’ll all be done before the beginning of December.  A girl can always dream…

Just need another good day of shopping and we should be square.  I think I might do baked goods for the remaining people on the list (with the exception of Mom Crackers – gotta get something “real” for her).

Mr. Crackers made venison pot pie and we ate it today.  Boy, was it delish.  I can get used to this whole hunting thing if I get pie!

A

* A few acres of snow
* À la carte
* Acquis communautaire
* Agent provocateur
* Aide-de-camp
* Aileron
* Amour Fou
* Amuse-bouche
* Ancien Régime
* Appellation d’origine contrôlée
* Art Nouveau
* Attaché
* Au pair
* Avant-garde
* Axe historique

B

* Bailiff
* Bain-marie
* Bandeau
* Banlieue
* Basque
* Beauf
* Belle Époque
* Bête noire
* Beur
* Bidet
* Biens nationaux
* Bonjour
* Boucherie
* Boulevard
* Bouquet
* Bourgeoisie
* Brassiere
* Brioche
* Burlesque
* Bustier

C

* Cabinet noir
* Café
* Café au lait
* Café-chantant
* Canard (aeronautics)
* Carte blanche
* Cause célèbre
* Cerise
* Chapeau
* Charcuterie
* Chargé d’affaires
* Chasse-marée
* Chemise
* Cherchez la femme
* Cheval de frise
* Chienlit
* Choucroute garnie
* Choux pastry
* Cinéma vérité
* Clef
* Cliché
* Cloisonné
* Concert saloon
* Concertation
* Contre-jour
* Coq au vin
* Cordon sanitaire
* Corsage
* Corset
* Coup d’œil
* Coup d’état
* Coup de grâce
* Coupé
* Crème brûlée
* Crépinette
* Crinoline
* Croquette
* Cul-de-sac

D

* De rigueur
* Debut
* Déjà vu
* Demesne
* Demimonde
* Demoiselle
* Denim
* Dénouement
* Dépanneur
* Dérive
* Détente
* Dieu et mon droit
* Douche
* Droit
* Droit de seigneur
* Droit de suite

E

* Eau-de-vie
* Ébauche
* Elite
* Éminence grise
* En Garde
* En banc
* En plein air
* Entrecôte
* Entrée
* Entremet
* Entrepreneur
* Épater la bourgeoisie
* Escargot
* Espionage
* Expose

F

* Fabliau
* Facade
* Faux
* Faux pas
* Femme fatale
* Fiance
* Film noir
* Fin de siècle
* Flambé
* Flâneur
* Fleur de sel
* Fleur-de-lis
* Foie gras
* Fondant
* Francs-tireurs
* Frotteurism
* Frou Frou

G

* Galantine
* Ganache
* Garde manger
* Gendarmerie
* Giclée
* Saint Glinglin
* Grand Prix
* Grisette
* Guillemets
* Guillemot

H

* Haute couture
* He Loves Me… He Loves Me Not
* Hors d’œuvre

I

* Idée reçue
* Ingenue

J

* Jamais vu
* Je t’aime
* Joie de vivre

K

* Kiffer

L

* L’art pompier
* L’enfant terrible
* L’esprit de l’escalier
* L’Étoile du Nord
* Laïcité
* Laissez-faire
* Laissez-passer
* Langues d’oïl
* Lanterne rouge
* Lettre de cachet
* Levee (event)
* Liberté, égalité, fraternité
* Limousine
* Lingerie
* Lorgnette
* Louis Quinze
* Lycée

M

* Macaron
* Mademoiselle
* Maître à penser
* Manufacture d’horlogerie
* Maquette
* Mardi Gras
* Marionette
* Marmite
* Ménage à trois
* Metteur en scène
* Milord
* Mise en place
* Mise en scène
* Musique mesurée

N

* Negligee
* Noblesse oblige
* Nouveau riche

P

* Pain au chocolat
* Panache
* Pannier
* Pantalettes
* Parquet
* Parvenu
* Pastiche
* Pâté
* Chinese pie
* Peloton
* Pensée unique
* Petite bourgeoisie
* Pièce de résistance
* Pied-Noir
* Pied-à-terre
* Pince-nez
* Ponant
* Portmanteau
* Profiterole
* Provost

R

* Ragout
* Reconnaissance
* Red-green-brown alliance
* Redresseur corset
* Régence
* Renaissance
* Repoussoir
* Réveillon
* Rillettes
* Rissole
* Rochelle
* Roman à clef
* Roulette

S

* Sacrebleu
* Sans-culottes
* Sauce
* Beurre blanc
* Bearnaise sauce
* Saucier
* Schmilblick
* Séance
* Soubrette
* Sousveillance
* Souvenir
* Succès de scandale
* Surveillance

T

* Tabac
* Terrine
* The King is dead. Long live the King!
* They shall not pass
* Timbre
* Toque (French)
* Torpedo (car)
* Touché
* Tourbillon
* Tourniquet
* Travail, famille, patrie
* Triple Entente
* Trompe-l’œil
* Trou de loup

V

* Vandalism
* Vaudeville
* Viennoiserie
* Village
* Ville
* Volonté générale
* Volte-face
* Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?
* Voyeurism

Z

* Zazou

We have a tub of ricotta sitting in our fridge, and I wanted to use it today, so I made one of my Patented Ms. Crackers Bastardized Lunches.  These usually come about when I am lacking one or more key ingredients to a traditional recipe, and I decide to just “wing it” instead (meaning no accurate measurements, either).  I am actually quite pleased with this one and its simplicity – a bowl is waiting for Mr. Crackers when he comes home, and I hope that it stays the same so he can enjoy it as well. Update – I ate it all. None for you, Mr. Crackers.

Ricotta Dumplings in Chicken Broth

1 tub of ricotta cheese

high-quality olive oil

freshly cracked pepper

all-purpose flour

kosher salt

unsalted butter

chicken broth (erm…mine does come from a box)

carrot, peeled and cut into tiny tiny squares

dried basil and chili flakes

—–

Get that stock on to simmer – add the basil and chili, carrots, and s&p to taste

In a bowl, season the ricotta with s&p.  add a liberal amount of oil (start with less and build it up as you mix).  The blend should be kind of slimy but not wet.  Once this is mixed, add flour slowly until it forms a ball.

Turn the ricotta out on a floured surface and divide in half.  roll out each half into a long, even log – if it gets sticky, just add a very light dusting of flour.  Once you have your logs ready, cut them into smaller pieces – similar to the process for making a rolled cookie.

Heat some butter in a pan at medium-high heat.  In batches, brown the sides of the ricotta mixture until they are crispy.  Once each batch is done, plunk it into the broth to simmer.

That’s it.  Enjoy it with some nice crispy bread, if you’re feeling like a particularly hearty meal.

(I swear, once I find my camera cord, I’ll post pictures.  Recipes are so much better with food porn).