Posted by: Ms. Crackers | October 26, 2008

{ hollywood cast }

I’ve always had a weird fascination with casting my life’s movie, and trying to figure out who would best play each and every main and supporting character.  Is that a little weird?  Is it a little weird that I had a cartoon cast as well?  I was played by Daria.

Anyway, I like to entertain myself with two things in the car – speedometer calculations (i.e. “if I was going XXX it would take YY:YY to get to ZZZ”) and celebrity casting calls for my movie.

Father Crackers – I used to cast Jeffrey Tambor (from current Arrested Development fame) as my father, but after careful consideration, I think I would actually cast Mel Gibson.  If you grey up his hair a little bit more, and make sure he looks like a crazy bushman compete with wacky hair and overgrown beard, Mr. Gibson and the real Father Crackers have a lot in common, appearance-wise.

Mother Crackers – easy and never-changing, the inimitable Catherine O’Hara has played my mother in every imaginary movie of my life.  Not only is this great actor a Canadian, but she has played so many characters similar to my mother that it would be a walk in the park for her.  Think of a toned-down “Orange County” Catherine O’Hara and you’ve got a pretty solid idea of my movie-version Mother Crackers.

Dad Crackers – this one was an easy pick, as we all like to say how Dad Crackers is a dead ringer for Mr. Gil Grissom.  We could probably get William Petersen for a good price, too, because he would only need to tweak the Grissom character slightly in order to play Dad Crackers.   Do actors work like that – a sliding scale of cost depending on the “ease” of playing the character?  We’ll have to find out prior to getting a budget for the film…

Mom Crackers – this one was not as easy as the others, it was hard to find an actor who would best be able to play Mom Crackers in both appearance and demeanor.  I decided that Jamie Lee Curtis would be the best pick for this role, because she is a really relatable actress with a down-to-earth and flexible personality.  I hope she can master that Newie accent, which is a little far removed from the world of Hollywood!

Sister Crackers – although not much of a physical match, I thought that Ellen Page’s dry, comedic presence was close enough to Sister Crackers’ personality that she is bang-on the best choice for the role.   Whattaya say, Sister Crackers?  Is Ellen Page wise-cracking and ball-busting enough to play the likes of you in my Life Movie?  I like to think so…plus, it certainly doesn’t hurt that she ups the Canadian Content!

Bows – even though Kat Dennings is going to be one of the Next Big Things, I’m pretty sure, I have been casting her to play the role of Bows, Mr. Crackers’ younger sister, since Mr. Crackers and I started dating.    The dark hair/light complexion thing, paired with the slightly offbeat and angry-teenage attitude is a good match for Bows, and I think that Kat Dennings would definitely do the role justice.

Next time, we’ll cover some more supporting cast, and maybe the most difficult people to play – myself and Mr. Crackers!



  1. I’ll up YOUR Canadian content… ew.

    That picture of Mel Gibson Dad is disturbing. Like really, really disturbing.

    If you put Ellen Page in very tall heels and some nerd glasses… crazy up the hair a bit more. Make her a redhead, we’ll see.

  2. Why is it so disturbing?

  3. Because you have a way of picking photos of random celebrities that really look like Dad, like when you made Dubya look like Dad.

    Also Mel Gibson is a crazy Jew hater.

  4. I don’t remember making Dubya Dad! When was that?

    I tells ya, it’s all in the forehead.

  5. Oh, I LOVE doing this too! A few years back some of my friends found out that Sir Monkeypants and I often have “who would you cast” conversations, and they all wanted to know right away who would play them. I find it’s not an on-the-spot kind of thing, though. You have to wait for inspiration to hit :).

    Are you still Daria, or do you have a new casting for yourself? Personally I find myself to be the hardest to cast — the way you see yourself is never how others see you.

  6. I’m glad you have someone to play this game with you, Lynn! Mr. Crackers doesn’t give a flip about it, so I’m often left playing it by myself…:) Which is fine, I was always very good at quiet playtime in kindergarten.

    As for my character, I think it has changed since the Daria days. I’ll be posting about it later, but I think that my new choice would be Zooey Deschanel. I find she walks that fine balance between sullen, moody, angsty young woman and deep soul that I like to think I walk as well.

    I agree, though, it’s very hard to cast myself, and sometimes just as hard to cast Mr. Crackers. What about you – who plays you? 🙂

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