Posted by: Ms. Crackers | November 22, 2008

{ assignment #11 }


I was young; probably in the 4th or 5th grade (maybe, at most).  My father, who was working as a Staff Sargeant at the police station at the time, was working and had brought Sister Crackers and I to the station to work on my science project.  I was doing mine on fingerprinting.

I had some large images of fingerprints and some printed information ready to go on my project board, as well as copies of my own fingerprints that we had done up right there at the station.  Father Crackers had gone downstairs to the office and Sister Crackers and I were preparing to put together the cardboard display.

I don’t remember the specifics, but I do know we had one of those hard-core box tapers and were using it to put things together.  Somehow, and I’m sure it was unintentional, Sister Crackers managed to slice my left wrist with the thing, and I do remember the teeth dragging on my skin.  It started bleeding immediately.

Being all of 10 or so, I knew that people killed themselves by cutting their wrists, and I was convinced I was about to die.  I went screaming bloody murder down the stairs and into the police station – and I probably had little more than a scratch of a cut on my arm.  I don’t remember Sister Crackers participating in this at all, so she must have been hiding upstairs.

I don’t remember getting bandaged up, or really anything after the cut itself.  The scar is jagged, rough; it’s not a clean cut, and it is obviously unintentional.  I laugh when I think about it, how it might look to some people if they saw it off-hand – although you can barely see it, the reminder of the time when my sister tried to slice my wrist open is still there.

{ learning to love you more }

Posted by: Ms. Crackers | November 21, 2008

{ makeup }

Posted by: Ms. Crackers | November 20, 2008

{ social }

Today was a strangely social day for me.  It’s sad, but I don’t have many.

We “carpooled” today with my new colleague, basically to help her grab a few things from her old office and bring them to the new.  I scored about 10 extra minutes of sleep, which means a lot to me. 🙂

Then, all day was a mad-house; 6 …actually…all 7 employees came in at some point into a space that originally held 3.  It was crowded, loud, and hectic.  I’ve decided to make the executive decision to do some computer training with our new lawyer and his assistant, and also help do some space planning and possibly look into our network and why it keeps crashing.

Then, I had a beer and some hummus with a former employee of mine.  We hired him when he was, like, 14, and I’ve seen the guy basically grow up from his first real job.  It’s been a looooong road, but overall a pretty wonderful thing.  He’s doing well, and it makes me fuzzy inside to know that I had a real impact on him.  I wish him all the best.  I hope to continue to provide a mentoring role to him in the future.

Then, after I drove out to Orleans to take him home (from Nepean…almost an hour round trip – can you believe it?), I threw together some dinner for Mr. Crackers, called Father Crackers, and now I’m laying in bed with Big Dog and Little Dog, who I am beginning to think lead a life of neglect due to our schedules.

I cannot WAIT for the weekend.  This past month of the new job has been kicking me in the butt, in a good way, but nonetheless…weekends are earned.

Any plans for yours?

Posted by: Ms. Crackers | November 19, 2008

{ off side }

A good amount of work today, some help from Mr. Crackers to move boxes, and a little “extra” income meant a nice dinner at The Works tonight.

Off budget, but I only feel 1/2 guilty, which is both good and bad.

Had my least favourite server, as per normal.  Bare minimum, neglectful service…in fact, brought us some drinks we had ordered AFTER he asked if “that is all” and just handed us our bill (with the un-served drinks on it).  Then, had the gall to tell us to just sit back down and take our time.

And of course we still tipped nicely, because we are wimps.

As a former waitress and a pretty easy-going restaurant patron, I am still pretty pissed when it comes to bad service.  This guy, in fact, LEFT us at our table with our drinks and our pre-printed bill, the WHOLE time we were there.  We had to go track him down to pay.

I had half a mind to just freaking leave.


I’ve had much WORSE service, but that’s no excuse for straight up BAD service.

But in order to make me feel better, I suggest you tell me (or write in your blog) about your worst restaurant experience where the server was to blame! 🙂 I’m sure you could make my recent problem seem like nothing.
Go on, I dare ya!

*this post has been brought to you by a sad attempt to get YOU to post, in lieu of any actual content.  Hey, at least I’m logging in daily, right?  That’s the whole point…

Posted by: Ms. Crackers | November 18, 2008

{ caramel corn }

Today I made a quick and dirty dessert.  I was busy all day at work and luckily had leftovers planned for dinner…but I wanted something sweet.

I took this recipe from the internet (it was literally everywhere, so I can’t accurately reference it), but did it the lazy way and it turned out fine.
Great, even, but my standards right now are low.

1 cup butter, 2 cups brown sugar and 1/2 cup golden corn syrup, heated on med-low (stirring constantly).  Turn to medium heat for about five minutes, watch but don’t necessarily stir unless it looks like it’s starting to burn/smoke.

2-3 bags of buttered microwave popcorn, popped and spread in a few cake pans.

Take caramel mix off heat, stir 1/2 tsp baking soda in.  It may or may not foam.  Mine didn’t.

Pour the caramel over the popcorn, mix it up.

Pop in the oven, turn the oven on to 250(f), wait about 10 minutes, pop out of the oven and pour into a big bowl.  Make sure to use a spatula to get all of the caramel out of the pan!

You can wait to eat it, but we didn’t.  Hot, sticky good.

Makes one giant serving of one million calories.

Posted by: Ms. Crackers | November 17, 2008

{ dead }

Ugh, this post is barely squeaking out.

I was unable to load anything but a google page for a while.  Luckily, I managed to find the following information through page caches.

If for some reason your Mac only begins to load google websites, the answer is apparently quite simple.

System Preferences > Network > Configure > TCP/IP
Then add the following two DNS servers: and

I have NO idea why this worked, but it did.


Posted by: Ms. Crackers | November 16, 2008

{ assignment #51 }

I haven’t given much thought into the afterlife, but I like the idea of my energy being distributed to another being/object once my current being/object is done with it.  After all, are our bodies much more than a vessel for our mind, our ideas, our actions, our souls?  Blah blah blah.

When I die, please donate my useable organs to whomever needs them.  Eyes, ears, skin, whatever can be used to save another person or ease their suffering…give it all up.  That being said, I would like a few pieces of me left…because it’s important to the next step.

I don’t want to be buried in the ground, and although some might think its creepy for a number of reasons, mine is very practical.  If zombies have not taken over the world prior to my death, I am almost certain it will be afterwards.  I do not want to become a reanimated corpse – so my reason for not wanting to be buried is very practical.  No zombies.

Instead, please cremate me in the most economical way possible.  I know having an urn full of ashes around can be creepy, so please then turn me into a diamond.  Yes, yes, I know it’s expensive, but consider that to be an equally creepy family heirloom – “Hey, look! Mom came for the family reunion”.  Make sure it doesn’t go to the kid who will hock it for smack money, though, that will make my diamond self very sad.  Until we know which one that is, please give it to my husband, or if he has already passed on, the person I have chosen as the keeper of my estate.

As for my funeral, let’s keep it reasonable.  I’ve never been one for big, dramatic events, so maybe you could all get together at my house and watch home movies (if they exist), look at pictures, have some favourite foods and basically just hang out for a few hours.  I think a nice, relaxing evening would be great.  If I can’t be there in body, I’ll be there in spirit…and in the form of an awesome canary yellow piece of bling.

{ learning to love you more }

Posted by: Ms. Crackers | November 16, 2008

{ assignment #53 }

Advice to Ms. Crackers at Age 16:

  • Your heart is about to be trampled again and again. Have some dignity, don’t drink as much as you want to, and try to realize that if he doesn’t want you, then he doesn’t deserve to have you.  It’s a difficult lesson, but trust me on this one.
  • On a similar note, being slutty won’t make life any easier for you, either.  That includes all of the things you would have people believe to be true.
  • Realize how grateful you are to your friends right now.  They may be messed up, but at least their being messed up puts your being messed up in perspective.  They ARE good friends.
  • Your favourite teacher is going to die in a few years.  Take this opportunity to learn from him, rather than being a curmudgeon who makes a point of being difficult.  He’s offered you a lot, remember that.  Don’t puss out on the wall murals, either.  Do a good job, they’ll be hanging in the foyer at school for a long, long time.
  • As much as you might be willing to sacrifice in order to keep that first point from happening, don’t.  I’ve seen what he looks like down the road, and you will be happy that you dodged that bullet.  You’re going to be happier with the alternative, even if you do get wistful every now and then.
  • Learn about budgeting now, you make your parents go through a lot when you go away to school.  Consider saving some of your money, you know…the amount you’ll save when you don’t drink or do as many drugs (because I said not to in the first point).
  • Your parents will be splitting up in a few years, just like you’ve always imagined.  Your relationship with your mother will get better when the pressure is off, and your relationship with your father will be tested again and again.  You will need to be the grown-up in both situations.  Nothing needs to change in order to make this happen, but you need to be prepared for it.  So does your phone bill.
  • Don’t even start smoking.  I know you’re going to, simply because you’re trying to be bad-ass, but it’s not worth the hours of feeling sick in the guidance office, simply to appear as stupid as you do.  Your body will be going through enough in the next little while, give it some slack.
  • Your life isn’t that bad.  It all seems to start working out in the end.  Keep a clear mind, learn a lot, and know that you will be OK.  It might suck now, but it’ll all be OK.

{ learning to love you more }

Posted by: Ms. Crackers | November 15, 2008

{ cooking schedule }

One of the ways I am hoping to create and maintain our budget is to manage our grocery/food budget carefully.  As Mr. Crackers and I are notorious pizza-hounds, the idea of having home-cooked food is very counter-intuitive to our behaviour, but I believe that it is the quickest way to get our budget under control.

You may have noticed my grocery list from a few days back, and we were very slightly over budget (well, 3.6% actually).  That night, Mr. Crackers spent his “fun money” on a video game. After trading off some of his older games, the total was around $25.  Then, a few days later, we spent the rest of our monthly “fun money” on a pizza (which, unfortunately, was over budget by a bit).  That’s it for fun money.

Which also means no more pizza, and a need to fill our hungry bellies.  With cold weather approaching, I always crave some pretty hearty meals…and luckily, that’s about all I can make.  I figure that if I cook something every 2-3 days or so, we’ll have enough leftovers to keep us happy, and it will also be a smooth transition into the world of regular meals.  Mr. Crackers has taken to actually asking what’s for supper, so this is encouraging.

I’ve decided to create a cooking schedule, to see how far we can stretch our grocery purchases (and to help ease into the next month).  Once the schedule becomes easy to maintain, we’ll work on balancing the meals appropriately (because the lack of veggies in my diet already is starting to be a real pain).

November 15 – pork chops with apples, saurkraut and brown rice

November 17 – shepherd’s pie (made with my homemade gravy…if it’s still good)

November 19 – borscht

November 21 – spaghetti and meatballs

November 23 – roast with potatoes and veggies

November 25 – beef and macaroni soup

November 27 – pork ribs, corn and rice

November 29 – pan-fried fish (if it’s still good), carrots and potatoes

December 01 – beef and bean spicy chili and rice (Mr. Crackers likes rice with his chili, which I think is odd)


That brings us right into December, which will undoubtedly be a very busy month.  I have decided to try and be as frugal/meaningful with my gifts as possible this year, which means a lot of homemade stuff.  I will likely be baking a lot for the holidays, which will hopefully go over well (I know I’d love to get something yummy for Christmas).  There will be a few less days for cooking dinner over the holidays, and hopefully our budget will hold up.

Posted by: Ms. Crackers | November 14, 2008

{ busy week. end. }

Wowza, what a week.

3 days of headaches.

2 days of turmoil re: Mr. Crackers’ work.

2 days of visits from Father Crackers.

1 long phone call with Mother Crackers.

5 long, long days at work.

1 very large grocery shop.

After this week, a relaxing weekend would be great.  Unfortunately, because of my migraine trifecta, I now have to be a bit more productive this weekend.  Some baking/cooking/cleaning will be in order.  I think I will do the floors, maybe move the furniture around the basement (take up the carpet), do some pork chops up, clean the kitchen, and bake a few loaves of bread.

Some calming music will do the trick, at least one evening of relaxation should balance it all out.

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »